Three Secrets

A colleague once asked me what's my secret to a fruitful marriage.  My response: a stout heart, a broad mind, and an unrelenting patience.

Before I continue, let me just point out that I am not an expert in marriage. I am still a learner in this journey.

Stout heart.  I guess everyone in a relationship would agree that when you love, there are no ifs or buts. And because we're called to love for a lifetime, our hearts should make more room for love. Otherwise, love won't grow and be responsive as seasons change. Furthermore, and this is especially true for marriage, you ought to love what your beloved loves such as her family. I remember an old man calling his nephew's attention when the latter referred to a lady as his wife's mother. The uncle asked, "Shouldn't you call her your mother-in-law instead?".  You also need to make more room as you progress from spouse to spouse and parent (and later on as a grandparent).

Broad mind.  There are moments when you don't see eye to eye with your partner.  There would also be times when trials might cause a strain in your relationship.  There may also be moments when one's words or actions would be misinterpreted. Sometimes, it's very easy to be sensitive or repulsive to these. Try your best  to understand, to find the 'right excuse' why they may have said this or done that.  Instead of jumping to often unfair conclusion, be more capable of seeing the good intentions behind such actions.We should be more understanding. Didn't Jesus ask His Father's forgiveness for His persecutors because "they know not what they are doing"?

Unrelenting patience.   Individually, we have our own capabilities and methodologies.  Sadly, when we encounter other's weaknesses or failures to deliver what we expect of them, we flare up, we speak unkindly of the other person.  In one of my confessions, I told a priest how I sometimes lose my patience. For my penance, he asked me to devote a few minutes before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament reflecting on how Jesus patiently carried His cross in spite of the jeers of people. St Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians (13:4), reminds us that "Love is patient".

A stout heart, a broad mind, and an unrelenting patience: grant me these Lord today and always.