Woman of the House

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. (Proverbs 14:1)

Tia Lils once told me that she used to work, but after getting married, she decided to give up her job to become a full-time housewife. While Tito Jimmy earned a living, she looked after their growing family. A woman with many talents, she cooked, sewed, crocheted, managed the family budget, adorned their home, etc.  

Living with them for almost a year, I have seen how my dear aunt "built" her house - not just the edifice, but her family first and foremost. And when I say family, this is not just her own children, but also her nephews, nieces, and other relatives who have been entrusted to her care. 

During my stay with them then and every time I pay them a visit, there was no distinction between my cousins and I. Everyone was treated fairly. Everyone sees and treats each other as kapatid (sibling). 

Here were some of the ways she built us up:

She inspired us to be rooted on God. A devout woman, she was a regular churchgoer - Sundays, first Fridays, first Saturdays, etc. She was also a lector/commentator. Her prayer before serving: "Panginoon, ipagkaloob mo sa akin ang Iyong Espiritu upang makapaglingkod ako sa Iyong sambayanan" (Lord, grant me Your Spirit that I may serve Your people.).

She inculcated in us the value of hard work. During weekends and holidays, after having breakfast, we have to do our household chores: fetching water, cleaning and scrubbing the floor, doing some errands, etc. No one's allowed to sit idle. 

She taught us how to live within our means. For her, it is important to save something for a rainy day. When she had enough savings, she had a bigger house built in 1985 which stands up to the present.

She trained us to be organized. Everything should have its proper place. We should only bring out those things that are needed. A cluttered space, in her book, is a no-no.

She exhorted us to be forgiving. She once remarked, with tears on her eyes, that nursing a grudge won't do you any good.

For zeal for Your house has consumed me... (Psalm 69:9)

In the early 90s, the Mother Butler Guild (MBG) was established in St Mary Magdalene Parish. This  organization takes charge of cleaning the church as well as preparing and maintaining liturgical vestments and other paraphernalia. With all my cousins having grown up, Tia Lils decided to join MBG. Every Saturday morning, she would join her confreres to clean the church. According to Eldin, her youngest, she would arrive ahead of the others so that she could clean the tabernacle.  Her reason? While cleaning the "Holy of holies", she was praying for all of us. 

In My Father’s house are many rooms; if that were not so, I would have told you, because I am going there to prepare a place for you. (John 14:2)

Tia Lils, a faithful wife, a loving mother, a doting grandmother, a caring aunt, a loyal follower of Christ, passed away peacefully in the presence of her loved ones in the early hours of 13th February, two days after the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes of whom she was a devotee. At the prime of her life, she looked after her house and, later on, God's house. 

Tia Lils' life is indeed a journey. The many chapters of her life were but milestones of her pilgrimage to the Father.  Through the many ups and downs of her life, she soldiered on because she put her trust in the Lord. Having accomplished her mission on earth, I am hopeful that Jesus will welcome her in the New Jerusalem.

Tia Lils, thank you for everything that you have shared with us - your love, your wisdom, your life. We have been truly blessed through the many ways that you have touched our lives. Help us to be a blessing to others. As you have remembered us in prayer and service before the Blessed Sacrament, please continue to pray for us now that you are in the healing presence of God. We love you!

Eternal rest grant unto the soul of Lilia, O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.

Our hearts go out to Manong Alvin, Erwin, Eldin, Tito Jimmy, and the rest of the family in this time of sorrow and bereavement.

Post-referendum Thoughts

Last Thursday night, my eyes were eagerly glued on the telly as the results of the EU referendum in the UK begin to unravel. Gibraltar, a British overseas territory on the southern end of the Iberian peninsula, delivered its votes with 95% in favour of remain. Then came a few local government units in the country with results still favouring remain. Until it was Sunderland's turn to deliver its votes. I switched off the telly without any clue of who will win. Morning came with Leave votes garnering 51.9% vs. Remain votes with 48.1%.

A domino effect followed: David Cameron announced that he is stepping down as Prime Minister, the pound plunged against its counterparts (i.e. dollars, euros, etc.), the Conservative and Labour Parties (two main political parties here) are in turmoil, and Scotland and Northern Ireland (who both voted Remain) reignited their cause for independence. Worse of all, an atmosphere of hatred has been fostered by some quarters who took the referendum results as a license to demonstrate their bigotry. I think this was fuelled by the Leave campaigners capitalising on the EU immigration/free movement issue policy.

There's a news item about a Polish centre being vandalised by still unidentified bigots. Then there's this group of men ganging up on a Muslim woman shouting "Out, out, out!". Still another story of someone saying in a patronising way how sorry he is that the person next to him is leaving the country. On telly, I saw a man getting out of his car - in the middle of the road, mind you!- just to tell another man from an ethnic minority group to get out of the country. The other man retorted that he is a British citizen. The racist countered that the other man's accent isn't British! 

In my former job, many years back, I had a phone caller who didn't believe that I was based in Nottingham for the absurd reason that my accent wasn't Nottingham. Still, I maintained my composure throughout the call, but reported it to my manager afterwards. My manager told me to make a note of it and put the call through to him if this racist customer calls again and doesn't behave himself.

Cameron will soon have his successor. Ditto Jeremy Corbyn (Labour Party Leader). The pound and UK shares are currently showing signs of progression which is good. However, racism is an issue that we should keep an eye on.  What I loved in the UK ever since I came here 13 years ago was that its people welcomed and valued those from ethnic minorities. Unless such racist acts are tackled head-on, the country will end up in oblivion.

Cardinal Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster and President of the Bishops Conference of England and Wales, writes: "Racism and hatred must never be tolerated, but there is no need for fear...We need to grasp again our basic sense of purpose; in living together, creating together and fashioning a society. It is that sense of purpose that we may have lost focus of; believing that the purpose of politics is to manipulate power; the purpose of business is simply to make profit for a few. This challenge has been with us for a while now.  Our purpose must be our common good, the good of all with no one excluded. Our politicians have to deal with their issues, businessmen and banks with their issues, but the fundamental purpose is to build a world in which strength is used for service and no one is excluded."

I learned that the referendum results is mere advisory and that withdrawal of the UK from the EU is in the hands of Parliament by repealing the 1972 European Communities Act. This is the law which took UK to be part of the EU. By the looks of it, a general election I think seems to be in order, to start afresh if you like since, as one politician confessed "They (i.e. the public) don't believe us". Whether that will happen or not, I hope and pray that our leaders in government would have the wisdom and courage to think of what is best for the country in the aftermath of this historical referendum. As Cardinal Nichols would put it: "The great challenge for those leading the nation now is to speak for everyone. If a victory in a referendum remains a point of division, then we become weaker and weaker as a nation and not play a part in the international scene tackling the world’s problem, which are great and challenging."

In these challenging times, my late grandmother's exhortation comes into fore: "Hanapin mo ang kalooban ng Diyos. Sabihin mo lagi 'Panginoon, ituro mo sa akin ang kalooban Mo'". (Search for the will of God. Always say, 'Lord teach me Your will').

***

Best wishes to my aunt Lilia Reyes who will be celebrating her 83rd birthday tomorrow!  In my book, Tia Lils is an apostle of Mercy. During those troubling times of my childhood, she welcomed my siblings and I into their home and treated us as her own. The years we stayed with them are memorable and inspiring.  I look forward to see her and her family soon. God bless you, Tia Lils! We love you!

***

I would like to take this opportunity to convey my heartfelt condolences to the bereaved families of the late Norma Quevedo-Javier and Tita Almeida.

Auntie Norma belonged to the first batch of Midwifery students who graduated from St Rita Hospital in the early 50s. She would later work in the Accounting Department (in the same institution) until she retired in 1993. A soft spoken, hardworking, and religious lady, we would often chat about the intricacies of life. "Never attack a priest," was one of her advice to me. When I was coordinating the religious activities of the hospital, she gave me the moral support I needed. She passed away yesterday.

Auntie Tita lived a few house away from ours in Gagalangin. We learned more about her through the Rosary devotion in our barangay. At first she came across as a reserved person, but gradually she participated more and more in the devotion. Eventually, she was voted Treasurer of the Queen of Families Rosary Group. She once told my mother and I that she would have preferred to be an ordinary member, but she couldn't say no to our perseverance. She passed away on 11 June.

May God bless their kind souls.

***

I dedicate my final note to my late aunt Mommy Rosie Samaniego whose 18th death anniversary occurs today. Mommy Rosie's love for her nephews and nieces knew no bounds. I happily recall her kind words and actions especially as we celebrate the Year of Mercy. I pray for her soul's eternal repose, full of hope in the words of Jesus: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy" (Matthew 5:7).







Public Property

Who says that only politicians and showbiz personalities are public properties? I like to think that parents too are public properties.  It becomes evident when our kids (or grand kids, if you have one) pick up what they see us say or do. 

Being fond of classical and traditional Filipino music, I would listen to either of these while driving or at home.  Chiara, who would often hear these, has shown some interest too. I once watched on YouTube Nyoy Volante impersonating Sylvia La Torre in “Your Face Sounds Familiar”, a contest organised by ABS-CBN. Nyoy was singing “Sa Kabukiran” to the glee of my unica hija. She was more delighted when she listened to Sylvia’s own rendition of that famous song (and more).

There is a feeling of satisfaction when she picks up something positive. Conversely, there is disappointment when it’s something negative that she imitates.

One wintry evening, as I was about to fetch Nidz from work, our old car won’t start. Annoyed, I swore three times. Suddenly, Chiara repeated what I said. I felt remorseful after that event. Ditto those moments such as when she asked me  while I was parking somewhere , “Daddy what is that?” and I could not respond because the sign says “No parking”.  I recall what Tita Lilia Reyes would often say “Ipakita mo na sa matanda, huwag lang sa bata”. 

Because our kids ‘own’ us, it comes as a daily challenge to be their role model, to nurture them in a responsible and Christian way. Gone are the days of buhay binata.  These are the times of sharing, of putting the house in order.

I have been involved lately  in a project collecting 100 anecdotes in honor of my Lola Piling  Valdes-Albano whose 100^th birth anniversary is celebrated this year. A few anecdotes that I came across mentioned the Sacred Heart of Jesus to whom Lola was devoted to. She once advised the Apostleship of Prayer members in Gagalangin to say “Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee” 33 times (in honor of the number of years the Lord stayed on earth). As the project is due to conclude tomorrow, I felt a rediscovery of this devotion particularly that beautiful prayer. Entrusting everything – my vocation, family, work, etc. – to the Lord’s Sacred Heart is key to become a nurturing father, a good role model.  

To all fathers out there, here’s wishing us all a Happy Father’s Day this Sunday!  May our hearts be like that of Jesus so that our children and others who look up to us may find life and have it to the full (cf. John 10:10).

***

As I write this, I cannot fail to remember Lolo Paul Albano, whose 104^th birth anniversary is commemorated today. One afternoon, many summers ago, as I was playing in their bedroom, I saw him apply something like a roll-on stick on his hair and combed it.  When he left I mimicked my grandfather, however I struggled to comb my hair as smoothly as he did his! The maid has to wash my hair to get rid of Lolo’s pomade! The sticky pomade is all gone, but my Lolo’s memory, his religiosity, devotion to family and service to the community continue to thrive in my veins. Thank you, Lolo Paul! Happy birthday po!

LOL!

One evening, Chiara and I were at the dining room. She was busy watching some kids' show through her BlackBerry Tablet while I was concentrating on a article for the web. Suddenly, she laughed quite loudly.  At first, I was annoyed, but thought to myself: "When was the last time I laughed out loud?". I realized I haven't been laughing as frequently as I used to be.

Filipinos are usually a happy people.  We smile, we laugh, we make jokes out of almost anything to the point that it can become offensive to individuals and other cultures. There was a joke during the Martial Law years that went like this. There were two people on board a plane. One of them said to the other, "Throw money from the plane so that people would be happy." "No," said the other, "Throw Marcos out of the plane and that will make the people happy!"

As a people we have a funny bone that could easily be tickled by the likes of Dolphy (RIP), TVJ (Tito, Vic, and Joey), Vice Ganda, etc. Making us laugh, I found out isn't just comedians' job. Even politicians and men of the cloth have devised ways to draw laughter from their audience. What's this on Facebook about a joke made by the feisty Senator Mirian Defensor-Santiago? "Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, ipaglaban mo. Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, paglabanin mo."

There is an incident that happened when I was a teenager that still makes me laugh out loud every time I remember it:

Mommy Rosie paid her older sister Tia Lils a visit.  When she was about to leave, Tia Lils asked us 4 boys -- my brother Gio, my cousins Erwin and Eldin (Tia Lils' sons), and I - to get Mommy a tricycle as she needs to go to another place.  No one seemed interested to go out and walk about 40-45 yards away to get a tricycle. Besides, it was quite a sunny, hot afternoon.  Later, I realized nothing's going to happen if all of us would ignore my aunt's request. So I walked to the tricycle station and got a vehicle for my aunt.  As I was approaching the house, I saw Tia Lils outside. When I got down from the tricycle, she told me that Mommy has left - riding a tricycle that someone else brought (I think it was Gio or Erwin who beat us to it!). She wasn't finished talking when we saw another tricycle making its way to the house with Eldin on it!  Instead of being crossed, my aunt and us just laughed at our folly!

It has been said that "Laughter is the best medicine".  If it is, then we should have more of it, otherwise life would be an unbearable burden. 

***

A few days ago, I received a letter from Sr. Mary Francis O'Connor, a nun from the Convent of Poor Clares in Arundel. She used to be Mother Mary Francis when she was the Abbess of the Poor Clare Monastery in Bulwell. I printed her a copy of my article last week. She wrote:

"It was good to hear of all you are doing on your...is it 'web site', it must be helping many people. May God bless and help you in your work for Him. There is so much harmful rubbish published today."

Thanks, Sister!

Three Celebrants, One Birthday!

Three people share God's blessing as they celebrate their natal day today, July 25.

First in the list is Laurentino "Tito Larry" Albano, my father's older brother.  Tito Larry is the third child of Lolo Paul and Lola Piling.  An excellent basketball player, he used to be the Coach of the Basketball Team in Letran Manila.  Our family would normally watch the games then to give my uncle and his team moral support.  Little did I know then that I would return to watch similar games years later - as a student of that august institution.  Apart from coaching, he was also the President of the family business.  Because two of his older brothers were in the States, Tito Larry acted as the panganay among his siblings in Manila.  Following the footsteps of Lolo Paul, he became Grand Knight of the Knights of Columbus (St Joseph de Gagalangin Parish) for some time; he was also Vice President of the Parish Pastoral Council during the late Msgr Feliciano Santos' time.  

I used to hear people call him "Godfather", but until now I'm still in limbo as to how he got this monicker. I asked folks from the States, but it got more murky as another uncle is called the same from their end. There are still those who call him "Tata Larry" (Tata is an Iluko word for 'father').  Indeed, he was looked up as a father by his employees.

Tito Larry's kids - Banjo, Champ, and Leia particularly - were our kalaro  since we all grew up together.  In the early 80s, Tito Larry and later his family moved to the States. Yet, we continue to get in touch through letters, pasalubongs (of which they are very thoughtful), and e-mails. Tito Larry was one of the first in the second generation of Albanos to go 'online'.  I could feel his fatherly guidance and assurance whenever I read his e-mail, regardless if the message were brief or not.  One e-mail I cannot fail to forget was when I thanked him for his kind words upon hearing the news that Chiara was born. His reply? "But of course she (Chiara) is our grand daughter!". I may be sentimental, but his message was really inspiring particularly that we don't have any family members near us when Nidz gave birth.

Cheers to you, dear uncle, on your 70th birthday!  May you continue to grow in God's grace, mirroring His fatherly care to all whom you meet!

***

Second in my list is Sancho "Tito So" Castro.  He is the youngest child of Lolo Tony and Lola Urs.  Like our first honoree, he is also active in church, serving as a Lector/Commentator at the St Mary Magdalene Parish (Kawit, Cavite).  A faculty member at the De la Salle University (Dasmarinas), Tito So is also active in a male chorale group.  We see each other very often in parish celebrations whenever I come home. We also keep ourselves updated from time to time in Facebook.  Tito So as well as his siblings continue to bring the light of Christ to the people of Kawit.

Many happy returns on your special day, beloved Tito! Keep up the good work in the Lord's vast harvest!

***

Last, but not least is Hershey Joy Mauricio-Reyes, the newest member of the Samaniego-Reyes clan, the wife of my first cousin Eldin.  I have not yet met Hershey, but I have in touch with her through social networking. Thanks to her, I was able to send a message to Tita Lilia through Voxer.  I was also able to hear my aunt's voice using the same technology.

Wishing you all the best, Hershey! This year is truly a great year - in January you and Eldin tied the knot; this December you will both be welcoming your bundle of joy! Looking forward to see you all soon! God bless you 3!

Tia Lils

June is almost over and, looking back, I found that all my articles this month were tributes to various people very near to my heart.  My first article was on a birthday. With your indulgence, I'll close this month off with still another birthday to be celebrated on June 30.

Lilia "Tia Lils" Reyes is my mother's older sister; the third child (first daughter) in a brood of 10.  When we were kids, we've often visited and stayed in her place in Kawit, Cavite during vacations. Her 3 sons Alvin, Erwin, and Eldin are like brothers to us - we grew up with them! Manong Alvin, the eldest, is our Big Brother if you like.  When my parents went abroad, Tia Lils welcomed us in her home. 

Personally, I learned a lot in their house: how to fetch water from the poso (artesian well) - water pipes were not available in houses during those times (if they do, water in Poblacion then was a bit salty so I have to fetch water from neighbouring Kaingen); how to clean the house; how to go to the market; how to become more responsible in the household, etc.  Some of my classmates would notice how I would go home straight from school and be surprised to see me in Kaingen carrying a pail of water or pumping the poso in a jiffy.  The experience gave me pride in doing menial jobs which is why every time we go to their place, we acted as though we're part of the household!

It was also during our stay with them that my faith took me to another dimension: being an active member in the Christian community. I had my first taste of being part of the block rosary and the Basic Christian Community.  Being religious herself, I imitated Tia Lils' devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and St Joseph.  Almost every evening, we gather to pray the Angelus and Rosary. When they would visit us in Gagalangin, I often asked if we could say the Rosary together which she obliged.  I am touched every time she blesses us when we do the Mano Po  (a Filipino custom where people place and elder's right hand on their forehead asking for their blessing).

Tia Lils valued hardwork, thriftiness, prudence, and good relationship with others.  She would always tell us that there is a time for us to work (e.g. clean the house) and a time to relax and have fun.  That's why when it's a weekend or schools are closed, we make it a point in the morning to be on our toes after having breakfast - one's busy with scrubbing the floor, another fetching water, etc. 

As a homemaker, she is excellent in budgeting/saving for the future.  When Tito Jimmy, her husband (who used to live in Gagalangin), was working in the Middle East, she saved enough for her sons' education and managed to have a new house built.  She often told us the importance of saving, otherwise we might end up with nothing when we needed something!

She was careful with her words and would always remind us to think 10 times before we say something.  Kids at that time, I was madaldal and I often caught myself reaping the whirlwind because of the inappropriate words I uttered.

Finally, she fostered harmonious relationship with people around her.  "Sinasayawan ko na lang" was her common expression with people who can be difficult to work with. Her advice to anyone working abroad: "Matuto kang makisama". I often hear her use the word kapatid (sibling) instead of pinsan (cousin) regardless if she speaks to her kids, nephews or nieces (e.g. "Kumain na ba mga kapatid ninyo?").  Incidentally, in Jesus' time (and perhaps now) there is no Aramaic equivalent for the word "cousin", hence, in the Bible you would read the words "brothers of Jesus".  Tia Lils, by the way, is also called Nanay Iya.

 

She always tells me: Ang gumagalang sa kanyang ama ay nagbabayad ng kanyang kasalanan; ang gumagalang sa kanyang ina'y nag-iipon ng kayamanan (Ecclesiasticus 3:3).

Happy 80th birthday, Tia Lils!  Thank you for loving and supporting us all through and through.  Your strong faith, words of wisdom, and gentle care are treasures we will cherish in our hearts.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers.  May God continue to bless you! We love you!